Archives for category: Love

loch_katrin?

Thoughts over the last few weeks: THE LIGHT IN ALL THINGS

In times of great intensity, it becomes obvious that it is natural to love. That spark is ignited that connects us, the heart aches and comes alive. What life demands of us, what the world demands of us creates a field of resilience and taps into a deep strength and source we all have.

Here are some things I have been doing to move through what is one of the most intense times I have experienced in my life.

Connect with our field of resilience. When we walk through where we are and it is not the same, the air shimmers with new light. We are hesitant and scared and feel vulnerable, and there is no place to go where we are not ourselves. We are at this time, in this place. We extend blessings and repeat, May all beings be safe. May all beings know peace. May we all come to our hearts and reveal the truth in them. The field glitters with the ice of winter, a premonition of a space that surrounds the present moment and allows it to expand. We want to hear and listen and talk and feel the truth of what is happening and it can be hard: the moment moves away from us again and again. It is hard to hold it. We’re sad about so many things and a lot of times, this gathers and is immovable. We stop feeling for some time, until we remember our hearts are beating and we can become aware of our breath filling our body. We remember that we are alive and wonder what that means. The space inside the heart can be filled with sadness and it can be filled with peace and it can be filled with love. The heart is big. We forget that so many times, especially the heart. We forget that there is space around us and we can breathe.

Live each day. We can only deal with what is in front of us in that moment, on that day. There are knowns and there are unknowns. The knowns are right there. Take it day by day, minute by minute.

Go where we are welcome. When we are with people who welcome us, when we welcome other people, we create community.

Continue to love. This is not about being an idealist or fantasist or hippie. To continue to love is one of the bravest things we can do. Love is open- open-hearted and open-eyed.

Do one thing. If we can’t think of what to do, we can do one thing that feels good or that is hard in a challenging way, not destructive way. Do one thing.

Go outside and look up at the sun and know that it gives us life, gives all of us life.

Move. Walk, stretch, work out, dance, sing. Move.

Know that it is possible to feel hope and fear at the same time.

Know and honor boundaries and respect all the ways we deal. We need to respect the way others make sense of things and that their way may be different. It’s important to create safe spaces for dialogue and express what we’re feeling. And to give ourselves and others the space we may need. To both be there and give loving space. To let others know we’re with them, see them, love them, and acknowledge that we all have different ways of getting through. The community we form is one of love and light and honor and compassion. To move through this as truthfully as we can and to make even more room for ourselves and others. Everyone’s path is different. We can deepen our commitment to each other and the understanding that we are all a part of each other.

Turn to the love we have inside of us. No matter where we are, it is our choice to turn to the love we have inside of us. This is not a romantic notion—it is the truth of who we are and to keep going there again and again when we feel like there is nothing left and we are so tired and afraid, that is courage. That is strength. Tuning into the energy of love and seeing how it expresses itself is a noble and ethical act. Every time. Every time we are kind, it has ramifications and it matters. Every time we speak the truth, it matters.

Everything we do is a triumph.

Look for Part 2 soon!

Advertisements

img_3728

See everything in terms of light. Think of things in terms of light. This is the last rush of the heat and light of summer, ends are fraying so much that the cloth you’ve made over and over again is a new cloth. New materials being forged. Summer was a cauldron that simmered, stirred up, and alchemized. We are reaching into the stretches of season and weather. The Sun looks over this reading and bows its rays over us, body and soul. This is the last round of this cycle, within this full moon cycle, we come to the end of Mercury retrograde and have an opportunity to lay old cycles to rest, creating new patterns and mental and emotional grooves that propel us forward into deeper joy and security. The eclipse further encourages this transition that enables us to live our dreams. So many opportunities spread out before us, like so many rays of all the different elements. The Sota and Caballero – Page and Knight – of Wands offer us the fire of our own souls, burning to illuminate the stunning array of geography and light. Filled with all manifestations of light, we move with our power nestled in us. We are finally come home. We are home. We hold onto what we love most dearly, and allow ourselves the rest we crave. The chakra in focus here is the sacral chakra, imbuing us with flexibility, fluidity, the natural movement in our mortal selves to forgive, dancing, swimming, allowing joy, sensuality, sexuality, fertility, and love. We are our perfect creation of love. Love that is born of fire and knowing its power and courage. Love is power. Judgment and The World are in our core now, the hot, molten center of the earth. We fight as a natural expression of our most sacred self so that the fight becomes a moving of energy in sacred path–the knowing of doing no harm guiding us, the protection of the ancients, guarding us as we face the truth of our earth and ourselves. We know what is important and valuable. We do not compromise. We stand fully in our power and rejoice. #tarotuniversaldalí #fullmoonreading #eclipse #harvestmoon #ganesh #joy #love

Like

trees_trail

May 2015, Scotland

Tomorrow, I will ground farther into the woods. I will make my way farther into the sky. Where horses are blades of grass and the ancient temples sing with copper and stone. We are further into this, you and I, than we would have thought. This is not thinking. This is openness.

I walked around my neighborhood today, porous as a sponge. The street flooded with light, like a stream. The sun and a low plane.

Things in life are stilling, even as they move, as becoming still, how much movement there is in sleep, or ice, or soil. There are so many microscopies, like hidden words, hidden language. We move towards each other in ever hastening circles. We cast our lines into the water. We move about our homes. We ask for repetition and dew. We hold our hands out to receive and be with the open. The open land and open tongue and open language. Things–everything we see–is so beautiful. We remain perched as held by this knowing, that all we can imagine is brought forth in matter.

Held in open language, as held in water, the stunning continues, after and after another of sweet roses with wings halt and burst into flame, becoming ether or dust or weather.

It matters: we solidify into form. Our necks, our snakes into ether and body. We matter then extinguish. Fully in the belly of becoming. Cauldron.

We are orbits of each other, down here in the vast depths. We know each other like fire, like ash.

We are pronounced to each other as hearts beating in concascadent rhythm.

I will wake early tomorrow and the sun will be out.

I will sleep deeply in my bed, surrounded by the atoms of you.

We come back to ourselves as to each other as the Beloved.

loch_katrin?

Loch Venachar, Scotland

IMG_1933

Loving is risky. It holds us down underwater until we break free into it, gasping for air, coughing. We disappear into it and reappear like little stars. We shame ourselves, as so many in the past have taught us to do. That to love so nakedly, so far into the bone, is dangerous and unrealistic. That it’ll change into gas and vanish as soon as we come up for air. We make up new words for sorrow when we lose someone. We approach death with a stick, pointing it before us as scry and sword. We inhibit and dowse ourselves in protection, following a path in the snow left by deer.

It has been a long winter.

We have spent the past two weeks hurting from things not said. We have spent the past two weeks gasping for air.

Falling again and again into openness and feeling around in the river for the driftwood I thought was a tree. Are you a tree? My mom said, about a guy I was hopelessly in love with in college: he’s like a piece of driftwood. So began my initiation into love, a piece of driftwood.

There is a pair of practices and journeys we do in shamanism called dismemberment and remembering. We go through the dismemberment, letting go of unhealthy attachments, illness, heavy emotional patterns, anything that we have taken on that we want to let go of. Then we ask to be remembered as whole, healthy, and illuminated. For a long time, I named it disintegration because the word “dismemberment” threw me and felt too violent. I was able to disintegrate my body into the night sky and become a star. It was lightening and releasing. Seeing myself and others in divine light, filled with the power and essence and light of the universe, of what we name as divine, is a deep and profound experience. It takes discipline and focus. It requires letting go of all judgments, thoughts, preconceptions, prejudices, conformity to which we hold ourselves and by which we define ourselves. It requires letting go of the body. We let go into the void and are born again out of nothingness.

The moth homes we build in yard torches and porch lights. The rough buzz of getting too close to the light. This is our whole lives. We live in half-darkness, leaning into the light and leaning away from it. We move into light. We lean into love and we lean away from it. And we keep coming home every night to the one we love, if we’re lucky.

Our homes, safe. We need to make safe homes.

We want to be safe. So much is consumed by this desire. We burn safe in a fire. We want homes that are safe, loves that are safe. Our parents will never die. Our families will never die. We know they are immortal. Our own death is something we think about so that we don’t have to think about what the death of someone close to us would do, rip our lives apart, rip us apart into the fragments we were before they made us. The starlight shining through little tiny holes in our abdomen. We are fireflies, dozens of them, finally released from the jar but we love the jar, we miss the jar. It’s transparent and clear and we can see out of it.

We look up at the sky at our grandmothers and grandfathers. We are their tiny hands, bony and strong, grasping into flesh and bone. We hold hands with them, remembering the light in their eyes and their smiles. They were the only ones who smiled just to see us, it seems. My grandmother’s face the purest joy I have ever seen when we first saw her at the airport after a 17-hour flight, then awake for more than a whole day and night. Halfway around the world from where we lived, we were home. I long for home so desperately now. Where I am has hollowed out. I exist in a narrow beam of warmth. I feel warm and expansive, the space here is not. When we no longer belong where we have been. When it is time to move.

Loving is risky.

We define ourselves by someone and then startle awake to see the impressions left on us. Sometimes, we sleep so deeply, we are still dreaming when we wake up.

We accumulate burden unconsciously. Consciously releasing the burdens, energy, and influence of others frees us. We are all one, and we are also here to explore the outer limits of our own being as we are given this life and this being for the time we have. Releasing frees us to love.

There is something we talk about in shamanism called stealing souls. It is a habit we have. When we get so close, are breaching someone else’s space, we inadvertently steal a part of someone else’s soul. In Sandra Ingerman’s Soul Retrieval workshop, we did a journey and ritual after our soul retrievals to release the souls we had stolen. It was one of the most freeing and beautiful experiences I have ever had. I journeyed to ask whose souls I had stolen and asked for a ritual to release them back to the universe until they are ready to be called back and returned to the person to whom they belong. While my partner drummed behind me, I looked out to the mountains beyond the creosote and yucca and Joshua trees hugging the parched earth with their roots and I blew bubbles for each person whose soul I was releasing. I do a practice called H’oponopono, a Hawaiian forgiveness practice, in which I list people’s names and forgive each one in turn and ask for their forgiveness. It is powerful. It is life-changing every single time we forgive and release.

The drought in California and all of the Southwest goes on. The lessons of the desert I brought home with me. What is survival and what is beyond survival? Nature strives to live, to protect life cycles and natural balance. It produces flowers and bees and stardust and blood.

We are given so many things. We are given the natural elements of the external world, air, earth, fire and water, and the corporeal elements of heart and bone, all made up of the same matter. We are all made of the same elements. We strive for survival and what is beyond survival.

We must be compassionate witnesses. This includes being kind to ourselves. Compassion begins in our own hearts. True wealth and true freedom come from this spring: compassion, faith, reverence, gentleness, kindness. True love comes from this spring. We are ready to love. We love because it is the only thing to do. We love because breathing underwater is exhausting. It is not in our nature. We return again and again to the place of breathing, to letting things be, to our natural place in the wild.